Work isn't that deep

And that's coming from a workaholic. A workaholic who is trying earnestly to not be one. 

I'm currently in the third year of my career and it's crazy how different my mindset and approach towards work is compared to when I started out and I see this change as a form of growth. With the understanding that first impressions and visibility is very important, I started my career with a mindset that I would give my all. I intentionally planned to work like a dog in the first few years of my career. And that's exactly what I did. I gave my everything and more to my work. Snippets of my first year at work is basically me working into the wee hours while everyone in my department wasn't. Me working longer over the weekends than weekdays because I didnt have to attend meetings and could focus on crunching out work. Me doing all of the extra stuff as well while juggling my core work.

My career started during the peak of the pandemic. I literally came back from my final year of university at Bristol being welcomed/escourted by the police to a quarantine centre for 2 weeks instead of being welcomed into the arms of my family members. For a big part of my first year, I was working online at home. While working under multiple lockdowns at home, I somehow also felt like my movements at home were restriced and confined to my workstation at home (spent my first salary creating a proper work setup at home). Even spending after 6pm to chill outside my house porch felt impossible. I felt like I had no time for that. At that point I took a lot of pride in working hard. 

I developed unhealthy habits in the first year of my career. I would order fast food after a particularly tough day and I started to download mobile games on my phone and found myself playing games on my phone in bed right after finishing work every day. So instead of sleeping and resting I would spend hours just playing games on my phone. I now understand why I developed these bad habits. It's because I was subconciously looking for a hit of dopamine to balance the stress I was feeling from work. And I found that in food and games. Looking back I also now understand why I started out with this mindset i.e. 'to work hard', because as an overachiever, I naturally always want to do well in what I do. And we tend to instinctively equate working hard with doing well.

What I have learnt over the years is that every time you say 'yes' to work, you are also saying 'no' to someone/something else. So working long hours until late night meant I was saying 'no' to quality time with my family and the people who I love and care for. I was choosing work over them. I was choosing work over my health. And essentially work over myself. I understand why people who are workaholics tend to be single/unmarried. When you have nothing else going in life, work becomes your only source of fulfillment. And because of that you tend to attach a level of importance to your career more than it truly deserves. 

I don't have a picture from January because I've been busy preparing and planning for my longest trip yet. Super excited so I'll share a picture from a past flight instead for now :)

There's a reason why my outlook towards work has changed and I thank God for letting me learn my lessons early in my career because I needed a really good slap in the face to wake me up and re-evaluate my life and priorities and boy did I get one really big fat slap in the face. I'll spare you the details but let's just say I had a rather awakening experience. 

Besides the big slap in the face I got at the start of my second year of work, I also got into a car accident a couple of days after my brithday last year in November, the kind of accident where my car spun around 180 degrees. The accident wasn't my fault if you're wondering btw. The accident made me realise two things; (a) who I think of first when I need help; and (b) how unhealthy my attachement to work was, and how that needs to change. The first person I called was my mom. I called her to let her know that I just got in a car accident. And right after that I texted a client to let him know that I will be a bit late for our meeting. WHAT WAS I THINKING. Girl you just got into a car accident, which you could have died from and the audacity to think you could attend a work meeting a few minutes after that. Daym she needs help.

Im so much different now though I promise haha. Ok I know this isn't convincing seeing that it's only been a couple of months since the car crash but hear me out will you. Contrary to popular belief I don't need much to change my mindset and values. You just gotta convince me that I should (ok perhaps that's the tough part haha), but for real, a good slap in the face and the car accident really woke me up. 

I've been taking my health and lifestyle seriously and have started jogging again at the stadium near my house. Out of the many jogs I've went on last week, I ended two of them with me just sitting on the ground while taking in the moment. The first time I did that it was during one of my evening jogs and at night normally young athletes would train at the stadium as well. I spent a good amount of time just observing them train. I love watching people work towars their dreams and goals it always touches my heart. I looked at one of the kids run a lap while his coach timed him and goddam, people truly are the most attractive when they work towards their goals and ambitions. I love to see that. It's small moments like this which I truly love and value. Small moments I didn't have when I was too engrossed with work. The second time I did that, it was during a morning jog on one of my days off, I remember feeling so at peace and so in control of my life. Sitting there doing nothing made me feel a sense of accomplishment because a year before sitting there doing nothing was unthinkable, I would have still worked even on my days off. I never gave myself such luxury before. 

I was in a grab on my way back from a whole day attending a work event in December last year on a Friday and a client texted me a question. The question wasn't straighforward so I needed to call the client to answer the question and the old me would have arranged a call as soon as I reached home that same Friday evening or worse, type it all out despite being prone to motion sickness. But I didnt do either of these. I instead arranged for a meeting with the client the following Monday and that felt so fresh and foreign to me. The fact that I didnt feel the need to instantly attend to work outside of working hours. The fact that I started to believe that work could wait. This looks like growth to me. 

Work isn't that deep. It really is at its core a soucre of income. Anything extra you get beyond that is a bonus. You should have a life outside of work so that work doesnt become your only source of fulfillment. This is why it's really important to have hobbies and side projects beyond work. Someone said in a talk that "your life shouldn't just be watching netflix and korean dramas". And that hit me hard. If you think spending the time you have outside of work to just chill and watch netflix means that you are in control of life, that you are living life, you're wrong. You aren't truly living. There's nothing wrong with watching netflix or korean dramas, I enjoy doing that too. But that's besides the point, these activities aren't hobbies per se, they are crudely just a form of escapism that helps distract yourself from your reality. And we shouldn't be living our lives on the run. We shouldn't be living our lives as fugitives. We should face our reality no matter how ugly or difficult it is and start to take steps to build the life we dream of. 

I realised that the ideal which is currently being preahced is to have side hustles, invest, and have hobbies and passion projects outside of your corporate job. Besides the financial freedom, it will also help to free yourself from the attachment you have to your career. It's easier to not take work personally when you have a side hustle that generates income. Coproate jobs, and your career as a whole is essentially capitalist in nature. You get laid off if it means ensuring the company lives on. So because of this very essence you shouldn't take work personally. If work becomes too much you should simply walk away and leave. And I think that's healthy.

In my previous post I mentioned that I will try to publish a new post every first day of the month and a big part of why I did that is because I realised that to know what I value and prioritise the most in my life at any given point of time I just have to observe what occupies my thoughts the most. Where does my mind wander when I don't intentionally think of something? What do I think of when I shower or when I do the dishes? For the most part of my first and second year of my career, my thoughts was mostly about work. I would find myself thinking about a project I was working on when I shower and at one point I even dreamt about a project and in my dreams I came up with a solution to a problem I was facing so when I woke up I  suggested the solution to my client. I realised I was working to the point where I never truly rested. I wasnt dreaming when I found the solution, my brain simply never truly rested, it was working even while I was asleep. Seeing that I'm trying my best to detach myself from my career, I reckon that a good way to do this is by managing my thoughts. Knowing that I have to post something on this blog every month means that I need to actively think of something throughout the month. I have to actively think and reflect about life for me to come up with each post. Thinking more about life means that I have less space to think about work outside of my working hours. Nobody is paid enough to think about work when they aren't at work, let alone dream about work. Yikes. So hey seeing that I posted this on the 1st of February is very encouraging and a big win for me.

For the most part of my life I have been surrounded by overachievers and perfectionists who I know would be able to relate to this post. This post is for you guys. I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life, but rather I'm sharing with you a persepctive for you to consider. 

To summarise this post in a few words - being a workaholic is not cool. I mean yes, of course you should give your best when you work, but it should stop there. Knowing where to draw the line is sexy and powerful.

Random thought: People who actively listen to others without looking at their phones are really scarce when it should be the norm. And this breaks my heart. I get that we live in a digital world but it's sad that we struggle to pay attention to the person right in front of us. I almost bought an Apple Watch but I quickly changed my mind when I noticed that those with one on their wrist couldn't hold a conversation for 5 minutes without looking at their watch because of the notifications that popped up. Let's normalise having the courtsey to pay attention when people talk and having good manners to explain when you have to quickly look at your phone to reply to something urgent. Having proper conversations with people is really wholesome. Put your phone away and truly listen to the person in front of you. Life's too short anyway, you never know when you will be able to have that moment with that person again. And the last thing you want is to realise this too late. 

See you in March! oxo