Slow down life, give me time to breathe~

My life has always been pacing at an extreme rate. It's either extremely slow-I could literally do nothing except live the entire day or extremely fast- as if I wasn't given enough time to swallow and suddenly someone shoves an elephant in my mouth and sews my mouth shut afterwards, so the only sane thing to do is keep chewing. Right now I think you all have an idea which pace my life is(refer to title)

My life suddenly wanted to play a game of tag on the 31st of January. On that day, I was called for a full scholarship interview-an interview I wanted with all my heart. My 30 minute-me-against-five-panels was scheduled at 4.30 p.m. If only I knew that the interview was not the traditional.. "tell me about yourself". Gosh, the interview was literally slapped in my face like the feeling you get when you stick your head out of the window of a car moving really really fast that you can barely breathe. I didn't even have the time to think so I just blurted out whatever words that lingered on my mind. After I left the room I was interviewed in, I was left with these unsettling and unsolved feelings I actually felt confused.

Me, totally oblivious to what's gonna happen in a couple of minutes.

My life on the other hand didn't even stop to let me breathe. So afterwards I rushed to register at a hotel for a program that would last a week. Tired and confused I tried to swallow in the new situation. The program was attended by participants from across the globe.  At the age of 18, I was the youngest participant at the program or also known as The International Youth Gathering. A situation so predictable when the program is for the 'youth'. Nevertheless, I liked it that way. I have always been the lone ranger. I love exposing myself to new environments alone. I somehow feel more free to be myself and express myself if that makes any sense.

There were a number of 'first-time' for me through out the program. One of them would be, the first time I was a moderator for an academic forum. I always had loads of time to practice before a presentation or debate or etc. so by the time it was show time, all the butterflies in my stomach would have died so that made everything easy. But this time it was different, I had to figure out how to be a moderator the same day I had to be one myself. To make it short, I loved it, I honestly felt I could be a speaker myself for the forum if someone asked me to ;) I guess it's true that you have to push yourself out of comfort zone if you want to pace forward. The other 'first-time-thing' I did was ask a question during a prestigious conference. Even though I practiced the question a thousand times in my head, the speaker didn't understand my question and felt as if attacked by my question that simply asked for his opinion. Well, that didn't go as planned did it? 

Me, as a first-time moderator.(Why I scribbled the face? Because if I didn't you'd probably laugh, and I'm not gonna give you the opportunity to do so)

So yeah, after the program, I went on a brief vacation with my gramp and gran. So now I'm like a couple of days  away from another program. A program that will be attended by people my age. Somehow, I feel a lot more nervous and scared of this coming program than the International youth gathering where I was completely so-called underage...

 What is wrong with me do you suppose?  ;)