Dear Future Self

This was taken when I was 4. Sometimes I look back and wonder whether my past self would be proud of the person that I am today.

To be honest I didn't see this post coming. I read an article on Facebook like an hour prior from typing this post and it made me think (deeply) about what my priorities are at this stage of life.

The article written by Iman Azman (about how she spent her time looking for the right guy but failed until she finally decided instead to work on herself and ironically the right guy came) made me question my own priorities. As you age, love may become a more important and urgent aspect in your life. I wrote about my stand and approach on love in this blog back when I was 18. As I read back I sense some naivety and I realised how I purely wrote from a theoretical standpoint. Now at the age of 20, I still hold on to the same stand but with a more in-depth understanding. The approach I strongly believed in since young is the idea of not making relationships as a must and as your ultimate goal in life or something that defines you. It's cool to have and share life with someone special but ultimately it must not be your only focus and goal in life. 

To love and to be loved is something beautiful and wonderful but at times it can be dangerous when given to young and naive hands. This is because, if not cautious it can pause or end your journey of self-growth and affect your life negatively through the time and energy wasted on worrying if he/she loves you enough. A mature and confident person will understand that he/she does not need to beg or ensure that the partner loves back equally or worry if the partner is loyal. The 'right one' won't make you doubt your self-worth and won't make it seem like loving you is hard. So be wise and prioritise the other parts of life too.

In sha Allah (with God's will) I will start my university days soon and I feel that it's important for me to make clear of what I want to achieve as I move on into this new yet exciting stage of life. I've decided that I want to spend the three years of my university life with one main focus- to invest and prioritise myself. With that being said, I've set these three prime goals for my uni life:

1) Learn as much as I can (in the spirit of being as self-sufficient as I can). Not just academic but to learn new skills; cooking skills, social and people skills (by meeting more people out of my comfort zone and actively participate in clubs and societies)

2) Travel and do new things (and eat new food :). I've always believed that a person who travels has a wider outlook on life than a person who does not. Mum has always told me to travel and explore the world and not just study when I start uni.

3) To excel in my studies and graduate with first class honours while doing all of the above.

It hit me that by the time I finish my degree I would have turned 23 (my mum married at this age) and after that my adult life will kick-start (work etc). So I only have the present and the three years of uni to be 'selfish' and think only for myself- my happiness, my problems, my life (notice the mys) because in time that luxury of not having any substantial responsibility and commitment apart from taking care of myself will end. I don't mean it in a bad way but when the time comes and you marry someone you'll realise that only 50% or less of your time and effort is used solely on yourself, the remaining will be used for the new family you've created. So I think now is the time to be greedy and invest in myself as much as I can (do what I want, travel where I want) and work on being the best version of myself. 

I'm writing this post as a reminder to myself about what my priorities should be and how little time I have left to use solely on myself. So dear future self, remember to keep praying for a good partner and have faith in the prayers you make but understand that although we may want things, the Creator knows best and He ultimately decides. Relax, life is temporary and soon this won't matter because the only thing that will matter is His blessing. You'll soon probably be surrounded by people who mostly are in a relationship given the age you are now but remember your priority at the time being is to upgrade yourself. However, if you already have someone special when you're reading this post again, GREAT! hehehehehe, just remember to make sure it's a positive relationship where you grow together and inspire each other. In simple words, don't rush life, things will happen when the time is right, you just gotta believe.                                                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                            Much love oxo.