Two months as a Research Assistant

I recently ended my two months stint as a Research Assistant and because of how much I've learnt in those two months I naturally feel this urge to share it with you readers. So yes, sit back, relax, and I'll bring you along my whole journey :)

First, let me just get this out of the way that as a Research Assistant I'm not working in a lab with microscopes if that's what you had in mind. This research is a social science research not a scientific research. So I had a lecturer as my boss and my job title basically explains my jobscope. I had to do anything that could help in the research. To name a few, I had to analyse articles, read academic journals, come up with a list of informants and later contact them to be interviewed, transcribe the interviews (transcribe means to type word for word of what they said), write reports, make claims for expenses used for the research and the list goes on and on. Because my job scope covered a lot, I had the opportunity to learn different things from the different tasks given. And that just matches what I value; to learn anything and everything possible. 

I had to be interviewed (and I made sure I was interviewed) before I got accepted for this work and with no clue of what I actually had to do. The only information I had was the research title. With that alone, I did what is very intuitive to the average 21st century person, I googled the exact title. (Thanks google, without you I would have been lost) I eventually ended up reading a few papers on the title therefore I had a rough understanding of what the research was all about. This is just to prepare if for instance I was asked about it in the interview. I mean, I didn't wanna go in completely blank.

On the day of the interview, I was nervous to the core. I had a lot riding on me. On one hand, I was worried I was gonna do bad in the interview and discredit my mom who was also working at the same university and on the other hand I was also worried I was taken in only because the lecturer was my mother's colleague. I'll give you a situation to help you understand the logic in why I didn't want the latter. Imagine marrying a person thinking the person has genuine feelings when in actual fact it was just because the person didn't want to upset your mother. For sure the insincerity will transpire throughout the marriage and when the truth comes out, imagine how betrayed you would feel (I know, I'm very dramatic) 

I had many worries as I took those steps up towards her office. Among all those thoughts and worries I managed to remember reading that you can trick yourself into feeling a certain way. How it works is that if you do things which you would normally do when you're happy then slowly you will feel happy. I was gonna take any chance I had so what I did was I put this huge smile on and repeated reassuring and relaxing thoughts in my mind and it did work, I wasn't as nervous (I mean I could speak decent comprehensible human language during the interview so we good y'all) I did very well in the interview (that's what my boss later said) and I remember how 'temporarily' relieved I felt. Only temporarily relieved because I then felt this new wave of pressure to ensure that I constantly performed for the coming two months to the same standard that I had given during the interview.

         

                                                Dr Murni and I, my lady boss, on my last day.

On the first day at work my boss emailed me a list of work to do and it made me really happy and excited. However, underlying everything I felt was a solid foundation of worry because I had a list of work but with no experience on how to do them. I mean, unlike school you're always guided and taught how to do things, for instance, during maths the teacher will demonstrate on the board so you later have to apply the same method to different questions. This time, I was given an end goal I had to meet but with the routes towards it missing. I mean I'm not complaining, that's adult life and my fear was just me recognising the unfamiliarity of it all. This was definitely uncharted waters. (I just wanna use this opportunity to say thank you to all my colleagues who I referred to along the way, you guys are the best) 

At night after my first day at work, I remember having a hard time sleeping because I felt anxious, worried and tired. I was worried I couldn't do a good job and I was worried I wasn't good enough for the job, I was worried of the days to come. These worries was because degree students especially those who just finished first year like me aren't usually given this job. Usually people with Masters were offered this post so I was really worried if I would trip in the two months coming. What was I gonna do if I couldn't cope?

To be really honest, I had a very hard time during my first week at work. This was because I had a lot to figure out and a lot to get used to. I remember feeling really tired, and I realised that when at work, even sitting at my desk was tiring. I felt this way because during A-levels and at University I had this flexibility where I determine my schedule. If going to a lecture was too much of a hassle, I could always listen from my laptop because they were recorded.  If I felt tired because I had a long weekend, I could sleep in the following Monday unlike work where you're expected to show up every weekday, no excuse. Imagine the flexibility that I was used to. Working meant I had to wake up before 6am to make sure I arrive before 8am because that's when my hours start (8am to 5pm) but because I went to work with my mom, we reached the office every day at around 7.30am. Gosh, this was that school routine I had long left behind. 

I began to understand why my mum sleeps so early every day and I finally began to understand why adults repeatedly say that student life is the best stage of your life. Because I always focused at work, I would come back feeling exhausted and really looked forward to sleeping as soon as I could.  I would always end up sleeping in front of the TV at night when I watched something, even watching TV at night felt like a chore (Imagine that!). The first few weeks made me have more appreciation for my mom. Honestly, I don't know how she does it. I mean I only have to look after myself and I was already wiped out exhausted and then there's her with work more than mine plus six children to think of. In those few weeks I couldn't help but marvel at her strength and resilience. Working and watching Dr Murni also opened my eyes to the struggles of being a parent while having a career and it's something we talk about during our car rides. I mean gosh, I've never felt so weak and incapable in comparison to all these working moms! I was very ashamed at how tired I felt given I'm only 20! To all you working mothers, I applaud you for the things you do, day in and day out, you are truly amazing.

One of the many fancy lunch dates that Dr Murni treated me to. Gahhh I'm spoilt with food

An ancient story that I was told when I was young and have always remembered was this story of this man who was working with a lamp turned on at his side (a time when electricity hadn't existed). The moment his son came to talk to him, he turned off the lamp and turned on the one he told his son to bring. When the son asked why, he explained it was because the lamp he turned off was the one given by his employer to do work, so when the boy came in to talk he turned it off because he was not doing work but doing his personal matters so he used the lamp which his son bought instead. I always try to practice the spirit behind this story. 

Growing up, my parents have always taught me to ensure my work was 'halal' which means to ensure you work honestly and diligently. I remember following this story very obediently to the extent I tried my best to reply to personal texts during lunch break only. I understand it is hard to ensure you don't mix office hours with personal affairs so I tried to compensate this with working extra hours and it helped that I always started work before 8am just to ensure the pay I was getting was halal. This is important, because the pay that I was getting would then be used to, for instance, buy food and that food in turn will become part of my flesh and blood and my generation will come from that very same flesh and blood. This understanding is very important in Islam and is one of the teachings I keep very close to my heart and it definitely shows in my attitude towards work. I believe the good feedback I got from my boss in the end was in part due to this teaching that I hold so dear to.

The pastries at Kenny Hills Bakers are simply divine.

Because I only had two months to work, I naturally had to work at a faster pace than my other colleagues, I didn't resent this fact because personally I liked to be busy ( I mean that's why I decided to work in the first place) I liked it because when you're busy you are forced to be efficient and you don't have time to fuss over small things like "Gosh that pimple on my forehead" or "am I cute enough". When you're busy, you 'do' and 'act' more than you 'think'. Back in school I have always wondered how outstanding students were able to perform well in their studies and also perform well in everything else such as sports, extracurricular, etc. Where do they find the time? I realised that what differentiates outstanding students from the rest is that they are constantly on their toes working so they are forced to work efficiently and have no time to laze around. Realising this I began to apply the same attitude in Uni and in life as a whole. 

Recently I came across a law that explained this concept which is called the Parkinson's Law (not the disease okay) The law states that the longer you allocate time to complete a task, the longer you will take to complete it. Therefore, your pace at doing something is not inherent inside you but is dependent upon how much time you give yourself to complete it. I mean what else can explain those last minute all-nighters in submitting that coursework? Therefore, whenever my thoughts start to become petty and shallow I take it as a sign that I'm not busy enough which is always true! 

At the end of my first working month I was sick for nearly two weeks. I had this ongoing cough and fever. I rarely get sick for so long therefore I knew very well why I was sick at that time. I was very down and just generally sad during those two weeks and although physically people only saw the coughs, mentally I was at my lowest. One thing that I know for a fact is that stress has a biological effect on you. You might be able to handle it well but your body definitely feels it and therefore it's sometimes translated into fever, headaches etc.

I was down because I was sad I didn't know about this prestigious programme which most of my friends were going to and I was constantly jealous when I saw it on their insta stories. To add to that, I was also sad because I got rejected for Felo Perdana after making it to the interview stage. I was constantly comparing myself to my peers and I felt that I wasn't doing as well compared to them. Because of this I made sure I went to all the talks or events  during the weekends when I actually desperately just needed some time off for myself (I mean that's why you have weekends to rest, because you work your ass off during the weekdays) It was like a viscous cycle which further made me physically weaker which is why I healed slower.

I had my weekends all packed to the point one Saturday I attended this Parenting Programme! Yes you read that right :) Okay before you get the wrong idea, I was just accompanying my aunt to the programme. I remember just thinking "Gosh I sure don't want my friends to know that I'm here" with all these couples and pregnant ladies I definitely stood out like a sore thumb! But I mustn't deny I did benefit from going (But again was it really worth compromising the rest?) side note- I leant this really cool stuff called 'synaptic pruning' where after the age of 3, all the neurones that haven't been used up in a child's brain will be destroyed so yeah moms, you might wanna start cramming all the knowledge the universe has to offer like quantum physics, symbiosis etc. before they're 3 years old! XD Hehehe jk I'm just messing with y'all, don't stress. 

Back to my point, the thing is, I knew very well that my work as a Research Assistant was invaluable and it was exactly what I needed to improve according to my skills at that time. I can confidently say that I have grown as a person thanks to it, but again at times when you're down you let the negative thoughts rule over you and that's exactly what I did. I also felt bad for my boss because in a way my whole situation was in a way impacting my work negatively, I mean of course you work better when you're healthy. I would like to end this paragraph with a positive lesson that I learnt but due to my personality, I know I'm gonna go through something like this in the future so I guess I should try to focus on how I control my thoughts the next time around. 

The letter Dr Murni gave me on our last day and honestly, those last words "just as you are" are so warm and comforting to me. It's because I've never felt that I'm good enough so those words are words of reassurance that only those who know me well will give to me.

In essence, this two month stint has been a journey of growth and discovery. I definitely know more about myself, and sometimes the hardest person to get to know is none other than yourself. For instance, I realised that I'm a perfectionist in my work (but the thing is not all my work are as perfect as I want them to be because sometimes we're subjected to situations that are out of our control plus we're imperfect human beings after all so it's something I'm starting to learn slowly by adjusting my expectations towards myself) like gosh at the beginning of the work I would read an email 10 times before I sent it! (Dr, if you're reading this, I still have this unsettled feeling that I haven't finished my work like haih it bugs me a lot, I wish I did more) The amount I have learnt is just mind-blowing. I am blessed to have had Dr Murni as my first ever lady boss and I can't emphasise this any better. I will miss our meetings in her office, our talks about everything and anything in her car and our fancy lunch dates together (Dr Murni would bring me out to lunch when we had work outside and honestly that itself felt like this exciting ongoing trip to cool places to eat. I've discovered so many worthy places to eat thanks to her so it didn't feel like all work for me) You have been more than a boss to me Dr Murni and I cannot thank you enough for that. 

Working has also given me the opportunity to spend more time with my mom. I mean if you don't see someone enough because of work, you go work at the same place as them, problem solved :p During our car rides back home from work I would talk to her and it reminded me of those car rides back from school where I would talk and rant to her about school, life and friends. Its nice to be able to experience that all over again. I'll also miss texting her to open this door which was a shortcut to her office and the small run to the door to sneak into her office instead of using the main entrance hahaha I know some of you might not understand this. Ibu, I would like to say sorry because after all this time, I feel like the person whom I take for granted the most is none other than you when in all honesty you mean the most to me.

                                                                              To more learning experiences, oxo